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In short: Yes and yes.
In long:
For the poly's in the room, this answer is based on a primary/core/rock relationship, YMMV when it comes to the other relationship types
Do you think honesty is really the best policy when it comes to relationships?
Ask yourself, if you can't be honest with the person you claim to love and who loves you back, then who can you be honest with? If you're in the relationship for anything more than just a fling, then if you're not honest you'll never establish trust and without trust you'll never establish a foundation which will support the rest of the relationship.
Trust is so important as it's one of the only things that can really support a long-term relationship. When you argue, you need to trust your partner not to get nasty or do something extreme. When you are intimate, you need to trust your partner is as much in it for you as them. When you are with friends, you need to trust your partner won't cause problems within the group.
Nothing else is as versatile in it's ability as trust and if you're not honest with someone, you'll never get that trust.
Is total honesty possible, let alone desirable?
The problem with this is that the crowd who don't believe in honesty are the ones who get all finicky about this question. "Total Honesty" is not telling each other about everything you did whilst you were apart. It's about being honest about the things that matter. If you had a hard day at work because of task X, person Y and issue Z you're not being dishonest if you withhold that kind of information from your partner, provided it's not impacting on the relationship.
What you do need to be totally honest about is things that matter to you and your partner. Are you stressed because person Y is your boss and issue Z is you might be fired? Then tell your partner. If you were out one night, got far too drunk and kissed someone then tell your partner and apologise. You might have to suffer a little (that's the price for cheating), but in the long run your partner will trust you when you say nothing happened because they will know you're honest about things if they do happen.
It is completely desirable because it means you can trust your partner to always tell you if something has happened and with trust, your relationships will be much more enjoyable.
In short: Yes and yes.
In long:
For the poly's in the room, this answer is based on a primary/core/rock relationship, YMMV when it comes to the other relationship types
Do you think honesty is really the best policy when it comes to relationships?
Ask yourself, if you can't be honest with the person you claim to love and who loves you back, then who can you be honest with? If you're in the relationship for anything more than just a fling, then if you're not honest you'll never establish trust and without trust you'll never establish a foundation which will support the rest of the relationship.
Trust is so important as it's one of the only things that can really support a long-term relationship. When you argue, you need to trust your partner not to get nasty or do something extreme. When you are intimate, you need to trust your partner is as much in it for you as them. When you are with friends, you need to trust your partner won't cause problems within the group.
Nothing else is as versatile in it's ability as trust and if you're not honest with someone, you'll never get that trust.
Is total honesty possible, let alone desirable?
The problem with this is that the crowd who don't believe in honesty are the ones who get all finicky about this question. "Total Honesty" is not telling each other about everything you did whilst you were apart. It's about being honest about the things that matter. If you had a hard day at work because of task X, person Y and issue Z you're not being dishonest if you withhold that kind of information from your partner, provided it's not impacting on the relationship.
What you do need to be totally honest about is things that matter to you and your partner. Are you stressed because person Y is your boss and issue Z is you might be fired? Then tell your partner. If you were out one night, got far too drunk and kissed someone then tell your partner and apologise. You might have to suffer a little (that's the price for cheating), but in the long run your partner will trust you when you say nothing happened because they will know you're honest about things if they do happen.
It is completely desirable because it means you can trust your partner to always tell you if something has happened and with trust, your relationships will be much more enjoyable.
