ext_50097 ([identity profile] anarchist-nomad.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] xmakina 2010-03-30 04:02 pm (UTC)

By the way: I'd be interested in what words you eventually choose to describe various levels of connection. About a year and a half ago, [livejournal.com profile] bunnypip and I -- along with some others -- had a discussion about the linguistics and ended up working with "community", "tribe", and "family".

Community is the least closely knit of the three. The collected BiCon crowd counts as a "community". Connected in many ways, but spread out.

Family is on the other end of the spectrum. [livejournal.com profile] cheshcat and Resourceress and [livejournal.com profile] sunastria and [livejournal.com profile] gyades and I were a poly family for many years, ending when Resourceress and I broke up our eight year relationship in December 2007. [livejournal.com profile] gyades and I own a house together in Chicago. Resourceress helped me drive a truck (pulling a car) 2500 miles from New York to Arizona. More recently, [livejournal.com profile] bunnypip and [livejournal.com profile] cheshcat and I have been functioning as a family unit. When [livejournal.com profile] cheshcat couldn't return to the States for Christmas, she stayed with [livejournal.com profile] bunnypip. When [livejournal.com profile] bunnypip needed childcare for the previous two Wednesday mornings, I drove to the Warren to provide. We have shared auto insurance and are likely to have shared bank accounts soon. In short, family is the most interwoven relationships... and they are the people you know you can count on and the bonds are strong all around.

"Tribe" is a level in between the two. We discussed this in late 2008, when [livejournal.com profile] bunnypip and [livejournal.com profile] parallelgirl and [livejournal.com profile] thehalibutkid and [livejournal.com profile] felbrigg and [livejournal.com profile] cheshcat and I were functioning thusly... with the door wide open for [livejournal.com profile] darkfloweruk to join us whenever she wanted. We did things like arrange a group cleanup of the Leveret Warren. We weren't all tightly connected to everyone else in the tribe... but there was a good sense of closeness and comradery.

Does that make sense?

Of course, you can pick whatever language suit you best. One of the things that I mentioned in our "Relationship Styles & Structures" workshop[*] is that we are moving beyond societal norms and, as such, we are in a linguistic frontier. Everyone is thinking what suits them best and picking their own nomenclature; what works well for one may even inadvertently offend another. So I share what we thought about to give you something to mull over... but, ultimately, you need to choose what works best for you.


[*] Which you did not attend as you needed to be in [livejournal.com profile] miss_amaranth's workshop at the time.

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